one year agoOvercoming my fear of public speaking
I'm flying high above southern France, the sun fresh in the sky and clouds hugging close to the ground below.
This afternoon I am speaking about CSS Systems to a waiting audience in Basel, Switzerland.
Two weeks ago I gave my first proper talk at BarCamp London 5. To experienced speakers this will sound strange but I was petrified to stand up and express opinions in front of possibly the friendliest audience there is, a group of about 25 supportive and interested friends.
I have possibly the most common phobia out there: the fear of public speaking. I had accepted it and come to terms with being the one who helps on the sidelines.
At BarCamps I would organise lightning talks, show and tells and IE6 debugging games, which was a great way of conforming to the required participatory nature of BarCamp without risking what I feared would be professional suicide.
Some of you will know that my partner Simon Willison is a very experienced and excitable speaker, so I am quite accustomed to the speaker circuit without being directly part of it and in fact most of my friends are experienced speakers as well.
It's not that I don't have anything to say, nor do I mind talking one to one or occasionally socially in small groups. I am excitable and opinionated. I am even OK on stage introducing speakers for things like Oxford Geek Nights. It's all the expectant faces staring back at you and the fear that I'm going to waste several minutes to an hour of their lives. I didn't have the conviction of my opinions: what if I was wrong?
I used to clam up. Once I was even told by someone that they were worried I had stopped breathing.
In January of this year I started working for Clearleft. There is a strong culture of community involvement, writing and speaking at conferences. Writing articles and community involvement were fine for me, but naturally I felt the implicit pressure to start actually speaking and not just organising games and lightning talks.
We had a speaking coach run a day's training for us which did really help but without having that put in to practice the fear was still there.
At BarCamp London — despite pressing a button on the remote that turned off the projector — everything went well and after I posted the slides, I was taken aback by the positive response to the content.
I firmly believe that if you are afraid of something, that's more reason to do it. What good is going through life only doing things you find easy? It's the only way you can really learn about yourself. Test your limits and don't give up.
The reaction to the content spurred me on to agree to this conference in Switzerland but the desire to face the fear and overcome it was the overpowering factor. It doesn't mean I'm not scared, but I can only do my best.
So go, do something that you are afraid of and you will be surprised at yourself.
Update: The talk in Switzerland went well. I was initially very scared, but got in to the swing of things and had some good feedback at the end. It was definitely worth doing.
Hi Natalie!
Congrats on your speaking gig and it going off well. Each time you do it, you will gain more confidence.
I always enjoy speaking to you one one one or in a small group, so I look forward to seeing you speak live.
;o)
Ms. Jen 15th October 2008 06:39
Congratulations on the talk going well. Great post – one I definitely empathise with.
And:
"I firmly believe that if you are afraid of something, that's more reason to do it. What good is going through life only doing things you find easy? It's the only way you can really learn about yourself. Test your limits and don't give up."
I couldn't agree more.
With public speaking, I think there's a way to look at it which helps you overcome self-conscious fear: think of it as an act of 'educating' or 'lecturing'. You are inconsequential; the thing you are trying to communicate is most important.
Rebecca Cottrell 15th October 2008 10:06
I think it's great that you did this for yourself. I agree about fears being challenges we aught to face. Here's my question though. I don't have a fear of public speaking but I share the lack of conviction in my opinions. How are or did you handle that?
I often find when I go to events I don't learn much when it comes to CSS or UX. There's always something, of course I surely don't know everything, but not necessarily enough for me to make the distinction between the speaker as "the person who knows" and me as "the listener who needs to learn from the masters".
Sounds egotistical I guess but then, that's exactly the problem I have in putting too much conviction behind my opinions.
Very interested in your reply.
Thanks
Thomas 14th January 2009 21:05
Fantastic presentation, I learnt A LOT from the PDF that I now need to put into practice.
David Maddison 21st January 2009 14:09
It's glad to see more people like me going through the same struggles. I recently spoke at Barcamp Miami last month for the first time and contemplated many times to not do it, even when it was 5 minutes before my talk. In the end, I sucked it up and presented my project. Of course I messed up here and here, but I'm proud that I finally went against my internal resistance. The fear of presenting wasn't as bad as I made myself think it was.
Glad you did well with your Switzerland talk, I've got another one coming up soon and this time, I'll be more prepared.
Ptah Dunbar 4th March 2009 21:43
congrats also natalie - I am about to get into this after many years break from having to public speak and work crowds...any articles or books around these days you'd suggest for those needing to brush up on this subject ...
cheers
nick
nick r. 29th March 2009 15:40
Nice to read this, I've had identical feelings. Before public speaking you feel awefull, but afterwards it is a kick! Each time you do it, you will gain more confidence. Look forward to seeing you speak live, I think you will do great!
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Glad you did well with your Switzerland talk, I've got another one coming up soon and this time, I'll be more prepared.
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